Thoughts, Thoughts, and More Thoughts

I have been wanting to write for a while.  I truly have so much to say, but the right words never seem to come to mind.  I have just recently drawn the conclusion that the reason for this is because I am too much of a thinker.  The amount of thoughts that pass through my mind each and every day are both large in quantity and full of selfishness.  I can't seem to keep up with them, especially when I am trying to put them on paper.   

I think so much because I am a worrier.  Ultimately, worrying about things is insinuating that I am capable of having control and truthfully, I know that is not true.  However, when I choose to live by my emotions, self idolatry/pride is what I choose, rather than my Heavenly Father and His sovereignty.  This is not okay with me, but for most they would probably think just the opposite because my actions definitely speak louder than my words.   

I don't necessarily enjoy being such a thinker.  It keeps me up late at night, feeds me lies constantly and consistently, causes sin after sin after sin in my life (particularly within my relationships), yet I continue to think more and more, especially in the evenings, when all is typically quite calm and lacking chaos or things to do. The worst part is, this summer.  I have a lot of time on my hands and I did have so many amazing plans, particularly reading and study time, but I am sad to say that I have not followed through as I thought I would.  Discouraging, yes.  But have I changed, not yet.

So here I am, it is almost midnight and I am sitting at my computer writing this blog entry because I am a thinker and it is keeping me up, once again.  This instance, along with so many others as of late, lead me to wonder if I should change my memory verse.  At the moment I am working on Romans 12:9-21 because of my struggle with relationships, which ultimately goes back to my thinking and the fact that I do it in such excess, along with the whole "reading between the lines" thing.  But, perhaps I should really tackle the memorization of 2 Corinthians 10:5-6,

"We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete."

Recently, this verse has come at me from so many directions (and when I say directions, I mean people that God has so graciously placed in my life).  My thought life is such a dominating factor and an overwhelming sin in my life.  I live in my head so much and I now know that it is most definitely not glorifying to God.  And believe it as you read it, this girl strives to glorify God in all that I say, do, and think, each and every day (although I fail more often than not).

Being obedient to 2 Corinthians 10:5-6 seems so impossible to me when I fully consider the reality of "taking every thought captive to obey Christ".  I don't even think a little clicker counter thing (got that???) could keep up with the amount of thoughts that happen in my head on any given day and the Word of God....God's Word....The Absolute Truth, tells me that I need to take them ALL.  Seriously?  Praise our Lord for His grace because without it, I don't even know.

Now here is where the real kicker is though.  I have recognized my sins and now I have even called myself out to the world of cyber space, which means, I have no excuses.  I know what obedience consists of in this situation.  God has provided me with all the tools I need.  It is a choice.  As I have learned over the past 18 months:  Faith is not an emotion.  Hard doesn't mean bad.  And the best one yet, My God is a sovereign, gracious, merciful, AND wrathful God.  For all of these lessons and so many more....I am SO very thankful.

Where to go from here?  Many things are to come...

- I will continue to memorize Romans 12:9-21...
- I will start memorizing 2 Corinthians 10:5-6...
- I am committing to a 30 day (INTENSE) precepts study of Ephesians...
- I will complete my first book and paper no later than mid-July...

I didn't really know what the purpose of this blog was going to be, hence another difficulty when it came to writing in it, but now I believe that I have discovered its purpose.  This is excitedly going to be a place for me to track my journey through the Word of God - What He is teaching me....What in particular I am working on at any given moment....What struggles I have along the way....It will even serve as a form of self accountability.  Yes, this will be a place where I can look back and reflect on God's journey for my life, but most importantly, it can be a place where perhaps others will get a glimpse in to the magnificent life that Jesus Christ has to offer.

So Blessed.  So Thankful.

To HIM be all the glory!